My dog Honey is 13 and has been slowing down, to the point where I’m asking myself “Is this it? Is this the begininng of the end?” It feels like it has come on so suddenly. But I suppose she has been taking the stairs more slowly over the past few months, not walking as fast, sometimes doesn’t hear me when I come home or call her name…or what I thought was the really telling moment of old age….not running to the kitchen when she heard me slicing cheese, a task that usually brings all three dogs running to sit at my feet.
Yesterday she had one of what our vet calls a “bad old lady day.” These b.o.l.d.s ( yeah, nice acronym) seem to be happening on a more and more frequent basis. On one recent b.o.l.d. Honey got stuck on the stairs coming down from our bedroom, I was at my computer at the kitchen table and heard her stuggling, so I had to carry all 50 pounds of her down the stairs. That was the day we decided to move our bedroom to the first floor.
You see I had a “when Honey becomes an old lady” plan that my husband and I had talked about, it was a little surreal that now was the time we had to put it into place. That plan including moving the bedroom downstairs to my yoga room/office. This room has a door that goes right out to the patio so if we have to let Honey out several times a night, the outside is just a few feet from the the bed. She is allowed to “go” on the patio (the other dogs are not) which we will just clean up everyday, then she doesn’t have to negotiate any stairs.
Although we ‘ve done these things to make her more comfortable, there have been things that have come up that I didn’t consider, like loss of appetite. Some days she doesn’t want to eat, not even her favorite things, like chicken or cheese. So I’ve made a couple of amendments to the “When Honey becomes an old lady” plan; she gets to eat whatever she wants. If mac and cheese or cat food is what she will eat, that’s what she gets. This of course drives the other dogs crazy, because they are stuck with their normal food. But there will come a time when we have a “When Gus or Nelson becomes an old man” plan and they will get the special treatment. In the meantime, we will do our best to show Honey the most love and comfort possible, whether she is with us for a few more years, weeks, months or days.
I wanted to also share with you something I wrote in July of 2009, this was before we had Nelson. It’s from my original dog yoga blog:
Love Now.
I think dogs make us consider the impermanence of life and relationships more than having children or being married or being in long term relationships of any kind. It’s because their lives are so short. When we get a dog we know this, when we decide to marry or have kids, the brevity of the relationship isn’t as obvious.
My dog Honey is almost twelve, old for a dog, young and hopeful for a human. Sometimes when I’m with my family which includes my husband, Brad and my dogs, Honey and Gus, I’m overwhelmed by the reality that in 5 or 6 years or less my family could be completely different.
Sometimes I hug Honey and I say to her “don’t ever leave me, I love you too much”. I know this is an unrealistic request, even unfair, because dogs come into the world as healing beings ready to help humanity in their simple and profound way. Most of them settle into that purpose quickly because of their limited time on earth.
I really wouldn’t want Honey to stay past her purpose or natural comfortable lifespan for me, even though the thought of losing her is devastating. But the lessons I can learn from the impermanence of having a temporary family that includes animals is to appreciate and love fully at every moment, not only my dogs and my husband but everyone that comprises my life.